You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
