Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
