im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
