Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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