you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
