if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
