you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
