There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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