Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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