names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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