Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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