We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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