An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
