I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
