i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
