Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
