Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
