With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
