The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
