the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
