my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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