Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
