you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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