I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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