I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
