My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
