Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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