Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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