I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
