this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
