hotel room ftw
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
