If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i out mim tonsoeep
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
