just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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