This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
