"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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