I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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