Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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