Heybabeimwearingurpanties
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
