im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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