ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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