im drinking this country out of the recession.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
