dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
People in love make me want to vomit
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
