Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
