I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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