the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
