Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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