we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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