At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
