my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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