the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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