you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
