Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All the doctor said was why
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
