butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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