You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
